Here I was, doing something I'd never done before, in a place I'd never been to before. I was far away from home, originally thinking I was dreaming but now I knew it couldn't be a dream as I was heading towards my man. Troy Lamore!
Down I fell into the rainbow hole. No noise no sound at all, not even the sound of air as I fell. Strangely I wasn't scared at all. Throughout all of this crazy afternoon since the moment I'd closed my eyes in the Doctors I hadn't felt frightened or in pain.
I guess that was some injection I'd received, it had certainly taken away any worry from me and now as I fell knowing that Troy was on the other side of the hole I could feel my heart once again beating.
I turned to look at the sides as I fell, the colours should be blurred the speed I was falling but they weren't. It was like everything was playing in slow motion HD. I looked up I saw a glint of that bluest of blue skies above me, a smile spread across my face.
The sky above started to look smaller and smaller with each second and I knew I must be approaching the end. As I looked down I realised I was already on the ground. How had that happened, I hadn't remembered landing?
Hey .That familiar velvet voice called out and there right next to me, there he was, my Troy Lamore.
What are you doing here and where are we? I smiled walking over to my old friend. We stood and looked at each other, I rubbed my cheek against his and gazed into his eyes, flip flop went my heart, that beating was so strong now.
Something told me you'd drop by.
With that he smiled, returned my cheek rub and we sat down. The light of the rainbow holes warm glow was fading but it was still warm, it felt like a beautiful Summer's evening. I could see him incredibly clearly
I can hardly believe you are here, I said
As ever he stood there beautiful, his fur shinning, his eyes as hypnotic as ever. I just stood and stared, transfixed in no hurry to go anywhere.
It's so lovely to see you, I said
Oh Lil' it's joyous to see you to but a bit sad too.
Why sad? That's a curious thing to say!
All will be revealed soon my darling Lil' for now you just need to be aware that this is a deeply touching experience for me and this place will make you look at your soul. This world is big and we can, if you want. see it all.
I'd moved closer and sat next to him. It was a conscious decision, this was one man I trusted totally, there was something about him from the very first time that we met that was confirmed by every subsequent meeting. This guy was solid.
Just understand that for now it's a bitter sweet pleasure to see you Lil',
He leaned in and stroked the side of my face. a tear in his eye.
I enjoyed being with Troy, I always felt slightly flushed but this time I was more confused and intrigued that ever. He must have been able to tell, I saw a little swallow from the back of his throat before his face broke out into that beautiful smile and he winked at me. I smiled back.
Suddenly his face changed and he looked more serious;
How's things going at home?
Pretty good, me and River are getting on very well these days, I've really grown to love her, can you believe it I love a dog?
Looks like you two have really settled into your rhythm.
I've not felt too well today though and Daddy took me to see the Doctor but I'm feeling better than ever now.
He nodded. You must be tired though! Have you travelled far?
No that's the strange thing, one minute I was with Daddy at the Doctor's and then I fell asleep and until I heard your voice I thought I was dreaming. I'm very confused. He smiled gently at me again.
Where have you just come from then? I asked
I've been visiting some monk friends of mine over in China, just hanging out listening to some fantastic chanting.
He turned and looked at me directly in my eyes, nodding towards the rainbow hole and asked.
How was that wind in your fur gorgeous?
It's always amazed me how he asks lots of questions but gives very few answers I should have learnt not to ask by now but he had his ways I suppose, my mysterious man.
I smiled at him
I'll make a deal with you, I tell you all about it and you tell me where we are, why I'm here, how you got here and who you are Troy, you always turn up when I seem to need you the most.
It would be rude of me to turn down such a deal from such a beautiful lady. I blushed again.
I knew exactly what I was doing, the mystery of Troy's appearances had for so long been an unanswered question in my mind and I felt the time was right for me to get some answers, this seemed to be a place where anything could happen. I was so glad that he was here, a broad smile spread across my face .Even though I wasn't hungry I wished I'd brought a packet of Dreamies with me.
...............................
You can catch the warmest glow of the rainbow holes light from here, he said, patting a spot next to him, I knew the signs he was indicating that I should come closer.
Come sit a while, he said confirming my assumption. He turned and looked directly at me, a smile in his eyes and on his lips. Oh those lips, I just wanted to kiss them but didn't I always?
I sat just a little closer to him than his pat had been. I could feel the warmth of his body and the slow rise and fall as he took a breath, the glow of the rainbow hole enveloping us both.
When are you going to tell me what's going on? I asked.
I've grown stronger since meeting Troy for the first time, no longer that shy and timid little cat, confident I wasn't afraid to ask for what I wanted.
He sat there in silence looking back at me to.
How was that wind in your hair Lil'? He asked again.
I put my head down slightly embarrassed, there was a firmness in his voice that said he meant for the question to be answered first.
I couldn't stop myself, I kissed him.
He smiled. Stop avoiding the question.
I didn't know what to say, I felt scolded even though his voice didn't change in tone, my eyes must having given something away as he smiled sweetly back at my awkwardness.
I felt strangely calm and safe and relaxed, like I didn't have a care in the world even though I was falling. It was an unusual experience, but then again nothing about this afternoon has been usual.
His left eye raised up a little and he smiled again.
Still got that shyness about you I see Lil' and it's still a very attractive quality, he licked his paw and then mine.
*Blush* I continued, trying not to react to his previous comment, I don't know why he always makes me feel this way but he does. I wasn't flustered although my mind had gone blank, I couldn't speak.
Feeling that wind then Lil', just feeling that wind? Now you've answered my question let me answer one of yours but there's only three questions that I can answer so choose your questions wisely and I promise I shall give you your answers to anything you ask.
Is there nothing that you don't know about?
He laughed back.
There comes a time to know and there comes a time to know. It's the whisper of that wind. So Lil' are you ready for another adventure?
I've always jumped at the adventures on offer when Troy's around but something made me pause. My catty powers were beginning to kick in and I sensed that there was something ahead that felt different, not like before when Troy pushed me to my limits, I was nervous about what lay ahead. I still couldn't understand what I was feeling but then again it had been one of those days.
Tonight Lil' I am going to take you on a very different adventure that you can and never will forget. It's somewhere very different than we've ever been to before together and there I'll give you your answers, I promise!
...............................
With that up we got. You ready? he asked, Let's go!
But he stayed totally still.
Go on, I said, I can keep up.
I know he said, but we are already there.
I knew he wouldn't lie to me he'd always pushed me further than I'd ever gone before but he was saying we was already there. I hesitated, with him there were no boundaries.
Being with Troy Lamore had always given me strength to do things I'd never done before but more than ever before I didn't know where we were going or what I was doing. Usually I didn't care but this time he'd gone very mysterious, he wasn't mucking about.
A pathway suddenly appeared in front of us where there hadn't been one before.
In the distance I could see gardens and streams, beautiful tree's and multi-coloured birds and cats, lots and lots of cats.
I thought you said we were there. I turned and looked at him.
He turned to look at me. We are, he replied and I turned forward again.
I followed his gaze. Somehow we were now surrounded by all these beautiful plants and animals, rabbits playing in the fields, laughing and joking, the birds swooped all around us, the flowers perfume near knocked me over.
But we haven't even moved, how did we get here?
Remember just three questions Lil', is that your first?
No, no, hang on, let me think.
Why could he only answer three questions? I dare not ask that in case it used one of them up. I was a little out of breath, Troy just looked around.
Right I had three questions. I knew I must use them wisely. What was the most important things I needed to know? I wanted to know who Troy really was so that was definitely one of them. I wanted to know where we were, yes I wanted to know where we were and I wanted to know why I was here. Right yes, that's it, that's my three questions.
Before I could speak, he did
Do you trust me Lil'?
Always, I smiled.
Ask away? he asked.
I nodded.
Where are we?
Close your eyes Lil' you must promise me you you'll remain calm.
I closed my eyes and nodded
You know I'd never let anything hurt you, right?
At that moment a kind of calm came over me. He raised his paw and touched the back of my neck. The light of the rainbow tunnel glowed brighter and warmer, I focused my mind.
We are on the other side.
My mind started to run as fast as it could. The rainbow hole made a strange sound above. I could hear the gentle sound of my feet as I ran and the noise of some birds flapping their wings above, I tried not to think about it and just concentrated on what I thought was ahead.
I instantly knew what he meant, my head was all over the place. No, no, no, no, no. NO!
It's OK Lil'. It's OK he said, trying to calm me.
I opened my eyes and there we were exactly where we had been. I'd been running but I hadn't move a millimetre.
Where are we really? I asked, trying to remain calm but for the first time since I found myself on the other side of the rainbow hole I didn't feel calm, not calm at all.
I looked down and the pathway sparkled like diamonds. I didn't know what was going on, I wanted to turn around and run away as fast as I could but I knew where I was, I knew it was futile.
Troy seemed to know where we were heading with all this but I still had no idea, although maybe I didn't want to. I could sense my pathway was coming to an end and beyond that, I didn't know.
My panic began to slow down a little. I was a very long way from home and I wasn't sure that I could find my way back again on my own but I wanted to go there, really badly.
I knew that Troy would look out and protect me but this being so far from home I began to think of the Daddies and River and Nadia and Aloha. Deep breaths right deep breaths.
We're here together, pretty girl, it's OK .
Are we really here, Troy, are we really on the other side? I asked
He didn't answer but I knew he wasn't lying to me. When I had calmed down I was grateful he'd remained silent, it would have been question number 2.
Want to see some old friends he asked.
Old friends? I thought but said nothing. Sadness have enveloped me I nodded.
Come on then.
With that he took my paw and told me to close my eyes.
When you open them you'll be amongst friends.
...............................
I opened my eyes and could not believe what I was seeing.
In front of me lay an ever ending expanse of yellow grass and green water, a blue sky and a red sun. I turned to Troy my eyes wide open, I just wasn't expecting this, I'd seen this before, the last time we met. Troy looked back me, a soft smile on his face.
I looked around again my eyes lit up, there in front of me in the field was Evie and Smokie cleaning each other like they used to do, Misty was snoozing in the sun she looked up at me and smiled.
Where do you think we are? he asked.
I turned my head around taking the sight before me again those flowers with massive blooms in purples and red and oranges were all around, so many butterflies in beautiful colours flying from bloom to bloom and I understood what they were saying.
The other side. As soon as I said those words I accepted it and became calm once more
There's nothing to be scared of! His voice soft and tender.
I'm not, I replied and I wasn't.
Look again he said the same soft tone in his voice.
In the distance on the other side of the water there was Nanny sitting and knitting, she waved over and smiled at me, two cats by her, one I recognised as Lucy and another even though we'd never met instinctively I knew was Sally, Stay Daddies first ever cat. Next to her was another man, I've never met before but again I knew it was Stay Daddies Daddy, a little white dog at his feet, ah that's the infamous Pennt. He grinned a glint of gold tooth sparkling in the sun.
My pretty little girl, shall we go nearer? It's OK. Nothing will happen to you.
The smoothness of his voice reassured me and I somehow knew I would be OK, we moved a little closer.
You've really shown great courage Lil'. You are strong now and remember I'm here, it will all be OK.
I believed him.
Just keep looking all around you Lil'.
I looked up and above I saw both the stars of the night sky and the rainbow hole yet it was bright like a Summers day. My gaze kept changing from one wondrous thing to another, this was almost unbelievable.
Are you ready for your second question?
Yes, what about my Daddies and River and Nadia and Aloha, can I go back to them again? It's beautiful here but I don't want to be without them either.
A swan silently drifted across the water, as it passed by it turned and smiled at me, it's eyes a twinkling sapphire blue. It was beautiful.
I felt his body gently rocking next to me and I turned to look at him. He gently nodded his head and brushed his cheek against mine.
We must have sat there for an hour in silence, he was deep in thought and I didn't want to disturb him..
Eventually he broke the silence. Your eyes pretty girl they sparkle like diamonds.
I swallowed and smiled.
Listen to yourself Lil' then you'll find the answer and there is an answer of that I do not lie BUT you cannot go back to what once was either. Your heart was so big that it burnt itself out, what's happened has happened and can't be changed, but you can go forward to what can be. That answer I cannot give you, that's your test, if you can remember what that heart of yours was full of you can use it as your key.
I decided to let my questioning go for a while. Daddy always says to listen to yourself you need to get into a relaxed state of mind.
We both turned back towards the water in front of us and remained silent, our shoulders gentle touching the birds singing a lullaby, Nanny blew her nose on a hanky she had hidden up her sleeve and Evie cuddled up to Smokie by her feet.
Holes, holes, nothing but holes have plagued me for such a long time, I didn't know but I had the feeling they were significant in some way, some message that I just couldn't fathom. Daddy always says start at the beginning if you've got a problem to solve. Go right back to the very start and work you're way from there and that's exactly where I was intending to go.
I loved everyone here and I loved everyone there too. Love, Daddy says, is the most powerful thing in the world and can conquer anything. I loved them from the moment we all met so love was the start, everything else if it was meant to be would fall into place.
I turned and looked at Troy, he smiled, he must have known I was already thinking of a way to understand, it's deeply enshrined in my nature.
We both stood as if to walk back towards the rainbow hole hole, neither speaking knowing our time together was shortly to come to an end but the rainbow hole was there already above us both.
It's time to go back through. I said
Do you like that kind of wind in your hair?
Oh yes I said. I may not be able to go back to as things were but I'm not ready to leave them yet either. I know now, I understand what was happening to the cats and the owl and the rabbit who came back out of the rainbow hole before I leaped in, their souls were returning to their loved ones, to look over them and to protect them and to love them some more. I had a very different adventure ahead of me now. What could happen I knew not but different, oh yes very different it would be from before that much I was sure of. I had the courage now to face that journey. Courage I'd gained from knowing Troy Lamore.
He turned and smiled at me and nodded.
I closed my eyes and started to feel that love. I imagined little River running around causing chaos and mess wherever she went, of Nadia asleep somewhere in the garden, of Aloha swimming around in her Underwater World letting me drink from her land and of all my friends in Catworld, but most of all, most of all of my Daddies. I love them all so much I could almost smell them.
I felt a breeze begin to blow on my neck.
You have one more question Lil' Troy called out above the sound increasing around us.
With everything that had gone on I'd forgotten the question that I'd been wanting to know the answer to for so long but the sound of the breeze had now turned into a wind and I was having difficulty hearing anything but that.
I opened my eyes and looked at him, the sound getting ever louder, I shouted out above it.
Troy Lamore, who are you?
I pretty Lil.... I'm The First!
What!?!
I could feel myself beginning to move and closed my eyes, my heart pounding.The wind now a hurricane, the noise louder and louder and up I shot like dust up a vacume...
Pop!
In less that a second I flew out the other side and into that bluest of blue skies, my eyes still tightly shut.
I was waiting to feel the sensation of falling back down but nothing, everything was quiet. I waited a moment of two before I opened my eyes.
And I'm back in the room!
There they all were my Daddies and River, they look a bit sad to me watching TV not really speaking not saying anything much, even River's quiet for a change.
Oh what they watching?
What! I've only been gone a couple of hours and yet the date in the calendar by the TV says I've been gone three days. No that can't be right!
Oh I'm so, so glad to be home. I know they can't see me but I can see them, somehow I must let them know I'm here. Um I'll have to think about that one.
I went to the back of the house and lay down amongst all the bric-a-brac. I never thought I'd be so glad to see all this old rubbish on the table. Oh they put a new plant up in the Peace Garden right under the Swinging Heart of Love, I'll have a CLOSER investigation of that tomorrow, for now I just want to sit here and enjoy being home again. Go on River jump up at the Daddies. Go on fight their feet, make them laugh. I've missed the sound of their laughter.
Down I fell into the rainbow hole. No noise no sound at all, not even the sound of air as I fell. Strangely I wasn't scared at all. Throughout all of this crazy afternoon since the moment I'd closed my eyes in the Doctors I hadn't felt frightened or in pain.
I guess that was some injection I'd received, it had certainly taken away any worry from me and now as I fell knowing that Troy was on the other side of the hole I could feel my heart once again beating.
I turned to look at the sides as I fell, the colours should be blurred the speed I was falling but they weren't. It was like everything was playing in slow motion HD. I looked up I saw a glint of that bluest of blue skies above me, a smile spread across my face.
The sky above started to look smaller and smaller with each second and I knew I must be approaching the end. As I looked down I realised I was already on the ground. How had that happened, I hadn't remembered landing?
Hey .That familiar velvet voice called out and there right next to me, there he was, my Troy Lamore.
What are you doing here and where are we? I smiled walking over to my old friend. We stood and looked at each other, I rubbed my cheek against his and gazed into his eyes, flip flop went my heart, that beating was so strong now.
Something told me you'd drop by.
With that he smiled, returned my cheek rub and we sat down. The light of the rainbow holes warm glow was fading but it was still warm, it felt like a beautiful Summer's evening. I could see him incredibly clearly
I can hardly believe you are here, I said
As ever he stood there beautiful, his fur shinning, his eyes as hypnotic as ever. I just stood and stared, transfixed in no hurry to go anywhere.
It's so lovely to see you, I said
Oh Lil' it's joyous to see you to but a bit sad too.
Why sad? That's a curious thing to say!
All will be revealed soon my darling Lil' for now you just need to be aware that this is a deeply touching experience for me and this place will make you look at your soul. This world is big and we can, if you want. see it all.
I'd moved closer and sat next to him. It was a conscious decision, this was one man I trusted totally, there was something about him from the very first time that we met that was confirmed by every subsequent meeting. This guy was solid.
Just understand that for now it's a bitter sweet pleasure to see you Lil',
He leaned in and stroked the side of my face. a tear in his eye.
I enjoyed being with Troy, I always felt slightly flushed but this time I was more confused and intrigued that ever. He must have been able to tell, I saw a little swallow from the back of his throat before his face broke out into that beautiful smile and he winked at me. I smiled back.
Suddenly his face changed and he looked more serious;
How's things going at home?
Pretty good, me and River are getting on very well these days, I've really grown to love her, can you believe it I love a dog?
Looks like you two have really settled into your rhythm.
I've not felt too well today though and Daddy took me to see the Doctor but I'm feeling better than ever now.
He nodded. You must be tired though! Have you travelled far?
No that's the strange thing, one minute I was with Daddy at the Doctor's and then I fell asleep and until I heard your voice I thought I was dreaming. I'm very confused. He smiled gently at me again.
Where have you just come from then? I asked
I've been visiting some monk friends of mine over in China, just hanging out listening to some fantastic chanting.
He turned and looked at me directly in my eyes, nodding towards the rainbow hole and asked.
How was that wind in your fur gorgeous?
It's always amazed me how he asks lots of questions but gives very few answers I should have learnt not to ask by now but he had his ways I suppose, my mysterious man.
I smiled at him
I'll make a deal with you, I tell you all about it and you tell me where we are, why I'm here, how you got here and who you are Troy, you always turn up when I seem to need you the most.
It would be rude of me to turn down such a deal from such a beautiful lady. I blushed again.
I knew exactly what I was doing, the mystery of Troy's appearances had for so long been an unanswered question in my mind and I felt the time was right for me to get some answers, this seemed to be a place where anything could happen. I was so glad that he was here, a broad smile spread across my face .Even though I wasn't hungry I wished I'd brought a packet of Dreamies with me.
...............................
You can catch the warmest glow of the rainbow holes light from here, he said, patting a spot next to him, I knew the signs he was indicating that I should come closer.
Come sit a while, he said confirming my assumption. He turned and looked directly at me, a smile in his eyes and on his lips. Oh those lips, I just wanted to kiss them but didn't I always?
I sat just a little closer to him than his pat had been. I could feel the warmth of his body and the slow rise and fall as he took a breath, the glow of the rainbow hole enveloping us both.
When are you going to tell me what's going on? I asked.
I've grown stronger since meeting Troy for the first time, no longer that shy and timid little cat, confident I wasn't afraid to ask for what I wanted.
He sat there in silence looking back at me to.
How was that wind in your hair Lil'? He asked again.
I put my head down slightly embarrassed, there was a firmness in his voice that said he meant for the question to be answered first.
I couldn't stop myself, I kissed him.
He smiled. Stop avoiding the question.
I didn't know what to say, I felt scolded even though his voice didn't change in tone, my eyes must having given something away as he smiled sweetly back at my awkwardness.
I felt strangely calm and safe and relaxed, like I didn't have a care in the world even though I was falling. It was an unusual experience, but then again nothing about this afternoon has been usual.
His left eye raised up a little and he smiled again.
Still got that shyness about you I see Lil' and it's still a very attractive quality, he licked his paw and then mine.
*Blush* I continued, trying not to react to his previous comment, I don't know why he always makes me feel this way but he does. I wasn't flustered although my mind had gone blank, I couldn't speak.
Feeling that wind then Lil', just feeling that wind? Now you've answered my question let me answer one of yours but there's only three questions that I can answer so choose your questions wisely and I promise I shall give you your answers to anything you ask.
Is there nothing that you don't know about?
He laughed back.
There comes a time to know and there comes a time to know. It's the whisper of that wind. So Lil' are you ready for another adventure?
I've always jumped at the adventures on offer when Troy's around but something made me pause. My catty powers were beginning to kick in and I sensed that there was something ahead that felt different, not like before when Troy pushed me to my limits, I was nervous about what lay ahead. I still couldn't understand what I was feeling but then again it had been one of those days.
Tonight Lil' I am going to take you on a very different adventure that you can and never will forget. It's somewhere very different than we've ever been to before together and there I'll give you your answers, I promise!
...............................
With that up we got. You ready? he asked, Let's go!
But he stayed totally still.
Go on, I said, I can keep up.
I know he said, but we are already there.
I knew he wouldn't lie to me he'd always pushed me further than I'd ever gone before but he was saying we was already there. I hesitated, with him there were no boundaries.
Being with Troy Lamore had always given me strength to do things I'd never done before but more than ever before I didn't know where we were going or what I was doing. Usually I didn't care but this time he'd gone very mysterious, he wasn't mucking about.
A pathway suddenly appeared in front of us where there hadn't been one before.
In the distance I could see gardens and streams, beautiful tree's and multi-coloured birds and cats, lots and lots of cats.
I thought you said we were there. I turned and looked at him.
He turned to look at me. We are, he replied and I turned forward again.
I followed his gaze. Somehow we were now surrounded by all these beautiful plants and animals, rabbits playing in the fields, laughing and joking, the birds swooped all around us, the flowers perfume near knocked me over.
But we haven't even moved, how did we get here?
Remember just three questions Lil', is that your first?
No, no, hang on, let me think.
Why could he only answer three questions? I dare not ask that in case it used one of them up. I was a little out of breath, Troy just looked around.
Right I had three questions. I knew I must use them wisely. What was the most important things I needed to know? I wanted to know who Troy really was so that was definitely one of them. I wanted to know where we were, yes I wanted to know where we were and I wanted to know why I was here. Right yes, that's it, that's my three questions.
Before I could speak, he did
Do you trust me Lil'?
Always, I smiled.
Ask away? he asked.
I nodded.
Where are we?
Close your eyes Lil' you must promise me you you'll remain calm.
I closed my eyes and nodded
You know I'd never let anything hurt you, right?
At that moment a kind of calm came over me. He raised his paw and touched the back of my neck. The light of the rainbow tunnel glowed brighter and warmer, I focused my mind.
We are on the other side.
My mind started to run as fast as it could. The rainbow hole made a strange sound above. I could hear the gentle sound of my feet as I ran and the noise of some birds flapping their wings above, I tried not to think about it and just concentrated on what I thought was ahead.
I instantly knew what he meant, my head was all over the place. No, no, no, no, no. NO!
It's OK Lil'. It's OK he said, trying to calm me.
I opened my eyes and there we were exactly where we had been. I'd been running but I hadn't move a millimetre.
Where are we really? I asked, trying to remain calm but for the first time since I found myself on the other side of the rainbow hole I didn't feel calm, not calm at all.
I looked down and the pathway sparkled like diamonds. I didn't know what was going on, I wanted to turn around and run away as fast as I could but I knew where I was, I knew it was futile.
Troy seemed to know where we were heading with all this but I still had no idea, although maybe I didn't want to. I could sense my pathway was coming to an end and beyond that, I didn't know.
My panic began to slow down a little. I was a very long way from home and I wasn't sure that I could find my way back again on my own but I wanted to go there, really badly.
I knew that Troy would look out and protect me but this being so far from home I began to think of the Daddies and River and Nadia and Aloha. Deep breaths right deep breaths.
We're here together, pretty girl, it's OK .
Are we really here, Troy, are we really on the other side? I asked
He didn't answer but I knew he wasn't lying to me. When I had calmed down I was grateful he'd remained silent, it would have been question number 2.
Want to see some old friends he asked.
Old friends? I thought but said nothing. Sadness have enveloped me I nodded.
Come on then.
With that he took my paw and told me to close my eyes.
When you open them you'll be amongst friends.
...............................
I opened my eyes and could not believe what I was seeing.
In front of me lay an ever ending expanse of yellow grass and green water, a blue sky and a red sun. I turned to Troy my eyes wide open, I just wasn't expecting this, I'd seen this before, the last time we met. Troy looked back me, a soft smile on his face.
I looked around again my eyes lit up, there in front of me in the field was Evie and Smokie cleaning each other like they used to do, Misty was snoozing in the sun she looked up at me and smiled.
Where do you think we are? he asked.
I turned my head around taking the sight before me again those flowers with massive blooms in purples and red and oranges were all around, so many butterflies in beautiful colours flying from bloom to bloom and I understood what they were saying.
The other side. As soon as I said those words I accepted it and became calm once more
There's nothing to be scared of! His voice soft and tender.
I'm not, I replied and I wasn't.
Look again he said the same soft tone in his voice.
In the distance on the other side of the water there was Nanny sitting and knitting, she waved over and smiled at me, two cats by her, one I recognised as Lucy and another even though we'd never met instinctively I knew was Sally, Stay Daddies first ever cat. Next to her was another man, I've never met before but again I knew it was Stay Daddies Daddy, a little white dog at his feet, ah that's the infamous Pennt. He grinned a glint of gold tooth sparkling in the sun.
My pretty little girl, shall we go nearer? It's OK. Nothing will happen to you.
The smoothness of his voice reassured me and I somehow knew I would be OK, we moved a little closer.
You've really shown great courage Lil'. You are strong now and remember I'm here, it will all be OK.
I believed him.
Just keep looking all around you Lil'.
I looked up and above I saw both the stars of the night sky and the rainbow hole yet it was bright like a Summers day. My gaze kept changing from one wondrous thing to another, this was almost unbelievable.
Are you ready for your second question?
Yes, what about my Daddies and River and Nadia and Aloha, can I go back to them again? It's beautiful here but I don't want to be without them either.
A swan silently drifted across the water, as it passed by it turned and smiled at me, it's eyes a twinkling sapphire blue. It was beautiful.
I felt his body gently rocking next to me and I turned to look at him. He gently nodded his head and brushed his cheek against mine.
We must have sat there for an hour in silence, he was deep in thought and I didn't want to disturb him..
Eventually he broke the silence. Your eyes pretty girl they sparkle like diamonds.
I swallowed and smiled.
Listen to yourself Lil' then you'll find the answer and there is an answer of that I do not lie BUT you cannot go back to what once was either. Your heart was so big that it burnt itself out, what's happened has happened and can't be changed, but you can go forward to what can be. That answer I cannot give you, that's your test, if you can remember what that heart of yours was full of you can use it as your key.
I decided to let my questioning go for a while. Daddy always says to listen to yourself you need to get into a relaxed state of mind.
We both turned back towards the water in front of us and remained silent, our shoulders gentle touching the birds singing a lullaby, Nanny blew her nose on a hanky she had hidden up her sleeve and Evie cuddled up to Smokie by her feet.
Holes, holes, nothing but holes have plagued me for such a long time, I didn't know but I had the feeling they were significant in some way, some message that I just couldn't fathom. Daddy always says start at the beginning if you've got a problem to solve. Go right back to the very start and work you're way from there and that's exactly where I was intending to go.
I loved everyone here and I loved everyone there too. Love, Daddy says, is the most powerful thing in the world and can conquer anything. I loved them from the moment we all met so love was the start, everything else if it was meant to be would fall into place.
I turned and looked at Troy, he smiled, he must have known I was already thinking of a way to understand, it's deeply enshrined in my nature.
We both stood as if to walk back towards the rainbow hole hole, neither speaking knowing our time together was shortly to come to an end but the rainbow hole was there already above us both.
It's time to go back through. I said
Do you like that kind of wind in your hair?
Oh yes I said. I may not be able to go back to as things were but I'm not ready to leave them yet either. I know now, I understand what was happening to the cats and the owl and the rabbit who came back out of the rainbow hole before I leaped in, their souls were returning to their loved ones, to look over them and to protect them and to love them some more. I had a very different adventure ahead of me now. What could happen I knew not but different, oh yes very different it would be from before that much I was sure of. I had the courage now to face that journey. Courage I'd gained from knowing Troy Lamore.
He turned and smiled at me and nodded.
I closed my eyes and started to feel that love. I imagined little River running around causing chaos and mess wherever she went, of Nadia asleep somewhere in the garden, of Aloha swimming around in her Underwater World letting me drink from her land and of all my friends in Catworld, but most of all, most of all of my Daddies. I love them all so much I could almost smell them.
I felt a breeze begin to blow on my neck.
You have one more question Lil' Troy called out above the sound increasing around us.
With everything that had gone on I'd forgotten the question that I'd been wanting to know the answer to for so long but the sound of the breeze had now turned into a wind and I was having difficulty hearing anything but that.
I opened my eyes and looked at him, the sound getting ever louder, I shouted out above it.
Troy Lamore, who are you?
I pretty Lil.... I'm The First!
What!?!
I could feel myself beginning to move and closed my eyes, my heart pounding.The wind now a hurricane, the noise louder and louder and up I shot like dust up a vacume...
Pop!
In less that a second I flew out the other side and into that bluest of blue skies, my eyes still tightly shut.
I was waiting to feel the sensation of falling back down but nothing, everything was quiet. I waited a moment of two before I opened my eyes.
And I'm back in the room!
There they all were my Daddies and River, they look a bit sad to me watching TV not really speaking not saying anything much, even River's quiet for a change.
Oh what they watching?
What! I've only been gone a couple of hours and yet the date in the calendar by the TV says I've been gone three days. No that can't be right!
Oh I'm so, so glad to be home. I know they can't see me but I can see them, somehow I must let them know I'm here. Um I'll have to think about that one.
I went to the back of the house and lay down amongst all the bric-a-brac. I never thought I'd be so glad to see all this old rubbish on the table. Oh they put a new plant up in the Peace Garden right under the Swinging Heart of Love, I'll have a CLOSER investigation of that tomorrow, for now I just want to sit here and enjoy being home again. Go on River jump up at the Daddies. Go on fight their feet, make them laugh. I've missed the sound of their laughter.
